I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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