every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
