Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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