i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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