dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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