i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
