Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
