Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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