if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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