I think my fart just growled at me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
sex in a hospital.. check
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
