There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
