oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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