Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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