DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
