It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
