ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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