Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
