I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
