It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She bit a glass in half.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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