you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
