so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
