i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
