His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
