I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
