I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
