It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
