we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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