Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
