I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
