is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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