just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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