If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
