They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
