Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
