I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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