So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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