You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE