Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
