what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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