When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
