I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
