last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
