It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
