His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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