Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
