I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
