i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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