I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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