how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
