What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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