So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
