why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
