My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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