I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
