my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think I sprained my soul last night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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