So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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