i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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