I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
