OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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