meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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