she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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