I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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