who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
