You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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