so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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