I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
