Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
